From Rescuer to Coach
Finding Strength in Letting Go
Hi everyone and happy Monday,
Lately, I’ve found myself slipping into the role of rescuer rather than coach. It’s a familiar trap—one I warn actors about when training them in this archetype. The rescuer moves with urgency, energy forward, chest-led, effortful. They believe they must fix everything, that their worth lies in saving others. It’s an exhausting place to live.
And it’s no surprise that it shows up in the breath and voice. When we take on the rescuer energy, our breath gets high and shallow, sitting in the upper chest. Our voice follows suit—faster, tighter, more effortful. It becomes urgent rather than grounded. We start filling silences, over-explaining, speaking in a way that says, Let me fix this for you. But when we shift into the role of coach, everything changes. The breath drops lower, the pace slows, and we speak with clarity rather than excess. Our words land rather than rush forward. The impact is greater because we are allowing space for the other person to process, respond, and take ownership.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot that. I started shouldering things that weren’t mine to carry. I let urgency take over. And I can feel it—physically, emotionally—how draining that is.
So this week, I’m shifting back. Back to coaching. Back to co-creating rather than fixing. Back to trusting that people don’t need saving—they need guidance, encouragement, and challenge in equal measure.
Maybe you’ve felt this too? Whether in leadership, teaching, or just in everyday relationships, it’s easy to fall into the rescuer role. But the real work—the sustainable work—happens when we allow others to step up for themselves.
What’s one thing you can let go of this week? One way you can shift from doing to facilitating?
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
M x